ContractSOON

Domestic pressure, professionally applied

Squished

One cushion. Two cats. Zero available exits.

A round calico cat sitting squarely on top of a black cat lying on its back

Load Bearing

Balance is not grace here. It is the exact science of keeping one cat under another.

  • Wide Base

    Four paws planted; one cat compressed below.

  • Quiet Focus

    She watches the table, never the consequences.

  • Seat Claimed

    The cushion remains occupied by both parties.

The calico cat seated on the black cat on a grey cushion beside a low wooden table
SUBJECT: SQUISHEDSTATUS: FULLY OCCUPIED

Dear Cushion

Squished began as a routine attempt to claim the warm cushion beside the table. The calico arrived first in spirit and second in fact. Beneath her, the black cat discovered that ownership is mostly theoretical. Neither animal has moved. Supper remains the only recognized deadline, and even that may be negotiated if the cushion keeps its current temperature.

Daily Procedure

Every day follows the same dependable sequence. Find the warmest cushion. Approach from behind. Lower the full calico allocation until the black cat becomes part of the furniture. Watch the table for unauthorized snacks. Ignore all complaints beneath chest level. Remain exactly where placed until a bowl, door, or suspicious paper bag makes a better offer.

House Rules

  1. Claim the warm spot

    Temperature outranks prior occupancy.

  2. Lower without warning

    Surprise prevents unnecessary negotiations.

  3. Keep eyes on dinner

    Pressure never excuses missed service.

  4. Move only for bowls

    Everything else can wait underneath.

Squished

Comfortably above the matter.